After his first unhappy experience observing with a 60mm equatorially mounted department store refractor outside a McDonalds restaurant, Biff decided to graduate to somewhat larger optics, and darker skies, where he is reliably rumoured to have become an avid Deep Sky observer.
Honorary steeplejack to several 36" Dobsonians, He has heard stories of the Southern stars from several intrepid travellers, but has so far been unable to visit these shores in view of his absolute indispensability to the functioning and survival of Columbus.
The search for a stand-in of sufficient status continues.
Several retired senators have indicated availability.
Dr Smooter is currently consultant in Extra-Terrestriality to Unesco and author of "Simian Astronomy", and several papers concerning evidence for circumnavigation of Rhode Island by Christopher Columbus.