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Book Review: "Big Bang Banged About" - Bokglob Gröseblurter. Published by Bürgerweldt University Press.

This provocative book has just hit the market and caused a sensation amongst conventional astronomers, academics, teachers and other like devoted disciples of scientific orthodoxy. In it, the author takes issue, not so much with the Big Bang scenario, but with the accepted timescale.

He argues that the impression recently gained that the Universe is 98% dark matter and is not only expanding but actually accelerating is just that - an impression brought about by a flawed interpretation of observational data.

No satisfactory explanation, apart from some scientific black magic can account for the force which allegedly is stoking this expansion. Bokglob instead asserts that the Universe had long ago reached the limits of its expansion and then, slowed and stopped by gravitational forces, has begun to contract towards its point of origin.

There certainly is dark matter, he agrees, but only 97% of the mass of the Universe is contained therein. Hubble got it all wrong, he claims, by assuming that the only explanation for the observations of red shift was expansion.

On the contrary, he argues, the red shift is actually a product of "tired light", that is light whose velocity has been slowed by the gravitational effects of stars, galaxies, black holes, and all that dark matter which adds up to a great mass indeed and which has stretched the spectrum of light towards the red end.

The problem in science, he says, is that scientists get smitten by a pet theory or imagined insight and then tend to focus on that evidence which supports their theory, or where the evidence is capable of being interpreted in different ways, go for the interpretation that fits their theory most closely.

Thus, during the Black Death epidemics in England, the men of science blamed the disease carrying cats and dogs, put a bounty on them and had scores of thousands killed, much to the delight of the plague rats.

Similarly, malaria seemed most prevalent near swamps, so hundreds of years ago was blamed on "bad air" or "malaria" rather than parasite-carrying mosquitos happily breeding in said swamps.

Bokglob says that contraction will result in an outburst of star formation in the apparent voids between the galaxies and that new galaxies will form in consequence.

He argues that gamma ray bursters are early evidence of this as galactic centres sweep up clumps of dark matter concentrated by the gravitational attraction of dense star populations at their cores, and such new stars are being created adjacent to and immediately sucked up by central black holes.

Perhaps in consequence of the Hollywood writer's strike, several major studios are said to be competing for movie rights to Bokglob's book. Of course, how Hollywood will devise a way for a movie hero to stop the implosion of the Universe will call for the efforts either of a very creative script writer or an experienced Washington speech writer, and in fact saving the Universe may well become a campaign issue in the forthcoming US Presidential election.

Bokglob's book will soon be available at progressive adult stores, any street corner in Las Vegas and at roadside stalls in Area 51. A steal at $39.95, or at only $49.95 with bullet- and neutrino-resistant hard covers.