Professor Goldberg, author of "My Mother In Law And Other Aliens" and "Going To The Toilet In Zero Gravity" has taken leave from the faculty of Astronautical Dipsomania at the Las Vegas Polytechnic Institute to carry out this important work.
His progress report, following on his initial month in the field, has indicated that several promising lines of inquiry have emerged.
The Professor admitted that he was somewhat startled and a little amazed by the fact that most of the UFO remains so far identified consisted of aluminium foil, duct tape or scotch tape, and balsa wood.
He is seized with admiration at the fact that the aliens seem so advanced in science and engineering that they can build spacecraft capable of flying between the stars out of aluminium foil, balsa wood and sticky tape.
On the other hand, he feels that the use of such flimsy materials explains why the aliens keep crashing in New Mexico and Arizona.
Though aluminium is a common enough element and could easily be manufactured on some far planet, and duct tape could have been independently invented, he considers that the use of balsa wood is clear evidence of ancient trading relations being established by the aliens with various South American tribes over past centuries, and that it is entirely possible that many of their pyramids had been constructed as loading docks to facilitate trade.
Conclusive evidence of this would be furnished by the discovery of chewing gum, or at least chicle, amongst the UFO remains.
The other big puzzle concerns alien abductions. He interviewed a few hundred of the 15 million Americans who clearly recall being abducted by aliens and has arrived at two possible motives.
The first is that they have been searching in vain for intelligent life and that accordingly another hundred million Americans remain at serious risk of abduction.
The second possible motive is that they have examined 15 million people in a similarly futile attempt to understand human physiology, in which case their biologists must be of the same low intellectual calibre of those ineffective Japanese whale researchers.
The guys who build their space ships must be a whole lot smarter, but if their biologists are somehow getting a piece of that action then all those crashes are easily explained.
The other alien abduction question that arises concerns those abductees who feel they have been the subject of attempted interbreeding experiments between aliens and Earthlings.
Professor Goldberg considers that any attempts to interbreed between creatures of Earth and strange and incompatible life forms from far off planets is doomed to failure, noting that a number of New Zealand farmers have totally lucked out in cross-breeding attempts between humans and sheep, of which both species share a significant amount of DNA.
Such attempts by the aliens would be further proof of the low intellectual status of alien biologists. Professor Goldberg has long been convinced that aliens are amongst us.
He has seen strange beings on the strip at Las Vegas after midnight, where he has been handed the business cards of creatures who are clearly part Carbon/Silicon hybrids with prominent parts obviously silicon based, and who he thinks could be concerned with the alleged alien/Earthling interbreeding experiments.
The Professor has a plan get some of these beings in a position where he can pump them, for information of course, and accordingly always travels with that 1.75 litre bottle of high-octane Southern Comfort which has had him barred from the Texas Star Party this past seven years.
Additionally, what better place to hide intelligence gathering spy-robots than amongst the thousands of slot machines that can be found in any Casino, as many of those that he has played do not seem to be geared to pay out any money and must therefore have some other purpose.
He thinks that Vegas is the entry point for alien visitors, with coded messages being broadcast skywards from the various signs adorning Casinos, and he swears that he has seen that glass pyramid take off for outer space on many a rainy night. His further reports will be published as they come to hand.