_ Taurus:- Your quiet time is disturbed by Mars moving in late in the month. If you are in the Army Reserve, pack your bags for East Timor. If you are an armchair warrior only, pack someone else’s bag for East Timor and go home, feeling you have done your bit.
` Gemini:- You belong to the third constellation of the ancient zodiac and have two well-matched 1st magnitude stars. Pluto was discovered here in 1930 and you have a great meteor shower next December. Buy yourself a hard-hat for Xmas and wear it while looking for extra-Plutonian planets
a Cancer:- Cancers have to make do with the attentions of Minor Planet 7 Iris, the Goddess of the rainbow and patron saint of optometrists. If you ever wanted to see colour in a Murrell object, or for that matter see a Murrell object, this could be your month.
b Leo:- Leo is the King of Beasts, and contains heaps of double-stars. Walk tall like a true Leo and share yourself around generously amongst your many admirers before twinning yourself with the stalemate of your choice.
c Virgo:- Your sign has her virtue invaded by Minor Planets 20 Massala, 51 Memausa and 44 Nysa which are in opposition this month. Virgo’s of sober habits may be invited to wild parties by strange people.
Take a chaperone, or better still, don’t go and send the chaperone, preferably an All-Blacks Forward, in your place.
d Libra:- Librans are well-balanced individuals worthy of their constellation. Parked between Virgo and Scorpio, they need to be to maintain that equilibrium. This may be an exciting millennium for you particularly if you were almost a Virgo yourself.
e Scorpio:- Minor Planet Hygiea is close to Antares – 0.4° North on April 2nd. Cleanliness is next to Godliness, so all Scorpios are advised to shower twice daily, particularly if you are into mud wrestling or heavy nose-bleeds.
f Sagittarius:- Always copping it from the rear end of the Scorpion, you have learned to be on your guard at all times.
Don’t sit on tree stumps or toilet seats without checking for wildlife or you may get it in the end.
g Capricorn:- I hope you Capricorns fancy Uranus and Neptune, because you are stuck with the bastards until early 2002! With the first ruler of the Universe and the God of the Sea butting into your lifestyle, you may have an interesting couple of years. However, don’t push your luck by trying to swim the Bass Strait or make a late bid for Olympic selection – the Gods aren’t that generous.
h Aquarius:- Aquarians have Venus for company early in the month, so, with the Goddess of love on side, splash on the after-shave – extra if you are male – and be charming, debonair and irresistible. Anyone who does not run screaming at first sight is a prospect. Go for it!
i Pisces:- The twelfth and most senior constellation contains the fast moving star Wolf-28. Take the hint and make yourself a moving target so you don’t hang around long enough in the one spot to be shot at successfully.