Senator Richard Head, leader of the Banana Republican wing of the GOP said that Clinton had been regularly seen running up the stairs to his new offices in Harlem, New York, TAKING THE STEPS TWO AT A TIME!
For a man of his age, weight and physical condition, this is not in the natural order of things. Senator Head said that it is well recognised that members of Congress so respect the laws of physics, particularly inertia, that they do not have time to get off their butts for anything, and the President has always been expected to set an example by being able to comfortably spread across any two seats in Air Force One.
Not only does his penchant for physical fitness smack of the sin of vanity, but members of the Religious Right deeply fear he may have entered into a pact with the devil to enable him to soar without effort up a whole two flights of stairs, and since treaties with foreign powers MUST be ratified by Congress, and there is no record of the ratification of any pacts with the Prince of Darkness, there may be serious Constitutional issues involved.
Special Prosecutor Roy Bean, great grandson of the Law West of the Pecos, has been asked to take time off from his investigation into whether Clinton still owes two dollars in respect of a book not returned by the due date of 10 August, 1973, to the library of Hog’s Wallow County High School, Arkansas, to investigate this new and perhaps even more heinous allegation.