_ Taurus - With Jupiter and Saturn in your sign, along with minor planet Psyche, and Comets Hartley 3, Gehrels 3 and 2P, and Kushida-Muramatsu, if you visit a Sushi Bar you will have lots of company including two large people - maybe Hulk Hogan and the Undertaker. Resist all invitations to mud wrestle with those two.
` Gemini - April 1 sees the moon in Gemini, along with minor planet Angelina and Comet Gunn 65P. If you are out with a girl named Angelina, don't bark at the moon or carry a shotgun into restaurants as she may otherwise realise you are a typical Gemini fruitcake. If she hangs with you, she will find out soon enough anyway.
a Cancer - Totally boring for the month of April. Apart from the moon wandering through sooner or later, and perhaps a meteor or two, your constellation is on hold. Try deep sleep therapy for the month, or take to drink and don't sober up till May. This technique works for some Cancerians every month.
b Leo - No, the Leonids are NOT due this April. You do have the attentions of minor planets Kassandra and Eleanora, while Comet Smirknova-Chernykh is also in your sign. Crack a bottle of Smirnov Vodka with two strong, willing girls and count meteors together under the stars. If every star becomes a naked eye double, you may have had more than your share.
c Virgo - You have seven minor planets - Melpome, Cybele, Adora, Feronia, Amphitrite, Diotima, and Lydia in your sign along with the Virginids meteor shower due on the 12th. This means that if your share a shower with seven girlfriends you seriously risk losing your Virgo status - unless the shower is a VERY cold one.
d Libra - Minor Planets Iris and Ariadne are yours for the month. Open your irises wide to opportunity and follow the thread left by Ariadne. This may lead to bliss, unless it is just her sweater unravelling.
e Scorpio - You have Minor Planet Eunomia, and on 28 April a meteor shower. Pluto and Mars are hanging about in Ophiuchus unwilling to enter your sign, which means you are unlikely to get struck by one of your own meteors or to enlist in the Foreign Legion. Enjoy.
f Sagittarius - Ceres, Goddess of the harvest is in your sign, along with comet Schwassmann-Wachman 1. To play safe, only eat your cornflakes while wearing a swatch - waterproof if you are a sloppy eater, and avoid collisions with combine harvesters unless you are driving a leopard tank.
g Capricorn - Planets Uranus and Neptune, Comet Spacewatch 97BA, and minor planets Hygea, Dembowska, and Massalia are watching over you. Always flush your toilet twice to appease the God of the sea, and shower daily, otherwise Hygea will be absent.
h Aquarius - Mercury, and minor planets Laetitia (39), and Interamnia (704) are playing games in your sign in April. Travel to the Texas Star Party would be a damn good idea, with these travellers showing you the way. For travel in the US, pack Kevlar underwear.
i Pisces - Not only Venus, but the Sun, Minor Planets Papagena, Juno, Metis and Paltherope and Comet Ashbrook-Jackson 47P are smiling on you. With the Goddess of love, a hot sun, and lots of company, a holiday in a warm place promises romance in quantity. Yours is the happening sign - take a Valium and two siestas daily to avoid over stimulation.