Star Party Recipes

Wiruna Fruitcake

No, not a person, but a filling and unique cake, with the true smell of the outdoors. Take 2kg of Self Raising Flour; add one Emu egg, 250g of macadamia nuts (preferably shelled), 250g of sheep nuts (optional for vegetarian version) one litre of coconut milk, one kilo of shredded, dried banana, 100 grams of native grass seeds, 200 grams of powdered sawdust (Australian Hardwood).

Beat to a stiff mix and bury in the ashes of a wood fire until the exterior is slightly charred. Remove from ashes and allow to cool. Smell the interior. This is as far as most people go. If sufficiently drunk, eat some. With luck, if you are drunk enough, you will immediately throw up.

Cocktail: "Celtic Coffee"

Just the thing for those cold nights. To one cup of coffee add 50 ml of Irish whisky, 50 ml of Scotch whisky, 50 ml of bourbon, 50 ml of vodka, 50 ml of rum and 50 ml of gin. If there is not enough room in the cup for all this, pour out the coffee, put in the additives and put some coffee on top (only if there is room). Best taken without milk.

Cocktail: "Swagman's Delight"

Take one litre of methylated spirits (Good quality, not a no name brand) and add ˝ cup of white sugar, 50mL of vanilla essence and juice of two oranges.
Simmer for ten minutes on low heat, and then top off with 200mL of bourbon and a small handful of gumnuts.
Test a spoonful on a piece of scrap timber or metal: If it lifts the paint or visibly corrodes the metal, then you may have used too much orange juice.

Tree Fertiliser

Need a wind break? Want to grow wood to make a big Dob? Do it quick with supercharged fertiliser.

Take one kilo of fresh kangaroo dung, half a kilo of wombat proto-coprolites, one fine minced pickled possum (brush tailed), one kilo of dingo regurgitate, a half kilo of dried witchetty grubs, 200 grams of crushed yabby shells, and mix to a stiff paste using 3 litres of eucalyptus oil over a light flame. Apply some to the earth at the base of your tree seedling and the little bleeder will grow like hell just to get its leaves as far away as possible from the stench. (Note - if inadvertently swallowed, check yourself into the nearest intensive care ward as soon as is convenient).