All the witnesses are well known long term local residents, each one having been a regular drinker at the Railway Hotel in nearby Kandos for at least thirty years. Although few have ever travelled either West or South of Ilford, all are familiar with the Wollemi Wilderness, where they have, from time to time, gone in company to commune with the spirits, and in recent months, towards the end of these spirituous sessions, one or more UFO's have appeared. Some of these objects exhibit peculiar characteristics when viewed through the filter of an Old Crow Bourbon bottle, and sometimes exert a physical influence over those brave volunteers who have emptied enough Bourbon bottles to allow for a joint viewing.
When contacted with the news, UFO expert Barry von Münchausen could hardly contain his excitement, as although he has observed a number of UFO's over his home town Andamooka, none have attempted to land on water. When our reporter pointed out that this may well be because there is no bloody surface water within 500km of Andamooka, Barry pointed out that this was not the only reason.
He said that the water in Dunn's Swamp is known through the Alternative Society folk as being the wettest water on Earth, possibly because fluoro-luminescent studies have established that the bottom layers are actually rain which fell in the area 117 million years ago, and has been protected from evaporation by a layer of liquid molecular iridium, and over that period has become super saturated with wetness. Barry theorises that UFO's are powered by fusion reactors, and that this particularly wet water is perfectly suited to efficiently convert into helium. The UFO's, he says, are tapping into a rare and valuable resource - using Dunn's Swamp as a refuelling station.
Alarmed by this report, Rylstone Shire Council has decided to change the name of Dunn's Swamp so as to throw new UFO's off their navigation. It was tentatively suggested that, to confuse them, a sign reading "Dunn's Swamp" might be erected next to the dam at Wiruna, although reservations have been voiced by our deep-sky observers that an increase in UFO traffic over Wiruna could ruin their dark adaption. Furthermore, Society Research Officer Chris Cross considers that any attempt to use the water from the dam at Wiruna for any purpose other than perforating mirror blanks for Cassegrains could be highly dangerous.