Eta Carinae To Go Supernova! Dense Stream Of Proto-Neutrinos On Collision Course With Earth!

In a shock announcement made last week by scientists aboard the International Space Station and the Hubble Space Telescope, amateur astronomers worldwide have been put on notice that Eta Carinae, the jelly-baby shaped nova in the heart of NGC 3372, is about to go supernova!

Eta Carinae is generally considered by southern-hemisphere observers as one of the best and brightest objects visible in amateur telescopes, and even in binoculars. However, with the announcement of the candidacy of this object as a supernova, amateur astronomers' worst fears are that when the light from the explosion finally reaches the Earth, the entire sky will light up, causing up to several months of constant light pollution from what is estimated to be a supernova of magnitude -18.4. This would be considerably brighter than the Full Moon which averages magnitude -12.7!

Once the light from the supernova has faded and the shockwave finally hits the Earth, propelled by a "howling wind" of high-velocity Proto-Neutrinos, Gamma-Rays and X-Rays, it is anticipated that amateur astronomers will be confronted with the light show of their lives: an aurora, anticipated to cover the entire sky at an apparent magnitude possibly in excess of -13. An Aurora of such epic proportions would be clearly visible in a fully moonlit sky, even from within the heart of the world's largest cities, and depending on the intensity of the radiation hitting Earth, the result may be a rainbow of colours covering the entire electromagnetic spectrum on both hemispheres of the planet.

This is causing a great amount of anxiety and excitement amongst the Aurorae Hunters and Deep-Sky Astro-photographers of the world. Use of a strong Sun block is highly recommended during the months of the supernova's light and radiation bombardment of the Earth, and it is also advised that humans and remain indoors during the time when the constellation of Carina is more than 7° above the local horizon.

As the star of Eta Carinae is around 3,000 light years distant, it is difficult to estimate the exact time and date of the first impact on the Earth's upper atmosphere, however, it has been suggested by Dr Emmanuel Snodgrass of Dunedoo, that the first impact may be between 4:14pm and 6:47pm on Saturday 16th March, 2002, which coincidentally falls on the Saturday during the 10th Annual South Pacific Star Party at Wiruna. It has been suggested that Star Party attendees consume as much Star Port as possible to enable adequate constriction of blood vessels in the eyes, to enable far more effective dark adaption for the evening hours of observing the Large Cloud at Wiruna.

Neolithic Astrophysicists from the University of Allbeqwerky in New Mexico have recently discovered a number of Petroglyphs left by the Anuswhammy people. It is understood from the translation, that these Petroglyphs reveal that Eta Carinae has already gone supernova twice before, and Carbon-dating of these Petroglyphs suggests that the last such occasion coincided with the end of the last glacial melting which ushered in the end of the last ice-age.

This has raised exciting possibilities about the impact of supernovae on global warming. Baron Beavis von Buttköpf theorises in consequence that perhaps the present temperature readings suggesting global warming in recent years, may well be the result of a so-far undetected supernova which exploded in the core of our galaxy about 3 years ago. In order to verify this, the Baron is experimenting with un-sharp masking techniques so as to filter out the light of the hub of the galaxy, thus leaving only the supernova remnant to be photographed by the new Astrocamera in his observatory at Schlöss Ratzhärz.