JPL has announced the results of a study authorised by the Pentagon to determine means of deflecting Near Earth Asteroids from dangerous orbits which could put them on a collision course with our planet.
Hollywood simply nukes them, but thinking scientists and even non-thinking military men have recognised that a nuclear explosion might just turn a speeding bullet into a squadron of shotgun pellets and produce multiple smaller but lethal impacts rather than a single humungous one.
Accordingly, applying a milder but steady cumulative force, which would not break up the asteroid at a point in time when the object was far enough away that even a minor deflection would have significant long term effects on the orbit, was the way to go.
Computer studies suggest that an ion-drive capable of producing a significant long term thrust and fitted to an object of considerable mass would be ergonomically the most efficient.
Computations of ideal mass and optimum shape drew on much allied commercial engineering research, both University and industrial.
Best results are expected to be obtained by using a compact mass of 1970 tonnes of depleted Uranium shaped exactly like a 1989 model Volvo sedan, fitted with an ion-drive and directed at the epicentre of the target asteroid at a velocity of 2.735 metres per second for a period of 17 days and 4 minutes - in reverse, of course, the most awesome dimension of ANY Volvo.
To conduct low cost field tests, JPL has obtained two dozen 1989 Volvos at a great price from Bokglob Grössblürter's Used Vehicles, Earth Division, and plans to conduct representative simulations using suitable sized icebergs as targets and barge-mounted Volvos directed in reverse at said icebergs by 40hp Mercury outboard motors.
To simulate correct mass, each Volvo will be filled with hundreds of defunct car batteries kindly donated by the Astronomical Society of New South Wales.