Astrologer Honoured

Kelley Chevalier, den mother to the Austin astronomy club was recently appointed as Astrology Sub-Editor to the National Inquirer. Her ability, unique among astrologers, to be able to distinguish Polaris from the landing lights of a Boeing 747, and to be able to actually identify more than two constellations of the Zodiac in the night sky, greatly impressed the newspaper, proud as it was of its reputation for veracity and responsible reporting, and gave her a considerable edge against a competitive field of top-gun astrologers.

One unsuccessful rival, who had with great difficulty, obtained day release from "Happy Acres" to attend the employment interview, complained bitterly, hinting at a fix. "Texas" he said "was flavour of the month, and now that the Presidency has become hereditary, even Presidents will exclusively come from there."

Undeterred, Kelley issued her New Year forecast for 2003. During the year, she said "…bombs will explode in Israel and the Middle East. A great man will die, a new comet will be discovered and there will be a number of air crashes and forest fires. Even a major earthquake is likely before 2010. A congressman will be unfaithful to his wife during the year, while there will be several muggings in New York." Her rivals were effectively silenced by this brilliance.

As Kelley's forecasts have outperformed those of the CIA and FBI for accuracy, she is confidently expected to be asked to join the Bush Cabinet before the next Presidential elections.