_ Taurus - Saturn spends the month near Zeta Tauri and on the 7th forms a love triangle with the moon and Aldebaran. Heavy stuff for you guys, juggling a ring, a crescent and a bulls eye. Beware getting jabbed in the eye or ring with sharp objects.
` Gemini - Minor planet 511 Davida bounces off NGC 2331 in your sign on the 17th, so if you are a small Italian Jewish lad, drive carefully. If you have to drive in Italy, take out extra insurance and pray to St Christopher daily, even if it means becoming a Christian for the month.
a Cancer - Jupiter, the King of the gods and lightening chucker is in your sign till June and hangs about the Beehive during April. Pay your electricity account promptly or you may get stung for a surcharge. If you stick a fork in your toaster, turn off the power first.
b Leo - Comet C/2001 RX 14 (Linear) moves south through Leo this month. Fortunately most of you Leo's are brave as a Lion and stay cool about this. However, if you are a nervous Leo, take out comet impact insurance with the Grössblürter Insurance Company (an Admirer of HIH)
c Virgo - Minor planet Thalia is in opposition in Virgo this month, while Vesta bounces off NGC 4442 towards NGC 4420. Your love boat has docked. Small admirers of erratic behaviour are yours for the taking.
d Libra - Comet 116 P/Wild 4 changes path from south west to west while in your sign this month. If you can bend the orbit of a comet, people will be putty in your hands. Win friends and influence people. Get married, or divorced, or both. The world is yours.
e Scorpio - SFA happening in Scorpio this month which is quite unfair as minor planet 12 Victoria, has forsaken you to spend time in Ophiuchus, which is not even a sign of the Zodiac. This may explain why neither Melbourne nor the ASV is in the state of New South Wales. Or Scorpio.
f Sagittarius - Comet 65 P/Gunn is in your sign this month, as is minor planet 8 Fiora. If visiting Baghdad, wear a flower in your hair, Kevlar everywhere else, and take out extra travel insurance. Same also, if visiting LA, New York, or Chicago.
g Capricorn - Neptune, and minor planet Ausonia spend the month in your sign. If you meet someone carrying a trident, don't act the goat and be caught bending.
h Aquarius - It is still your age. Even if Uranus is still hanging about in your sign, you are still sensitive, artistic etc, and totally unworried by a thoroughly boring major planet not moving on and stuffing up some lesser sign, whose non artistic and insensitive folk just could not cope anyway. Console all those non-Aquarians in your usual gracious
i Pisces - Venus moves into your sign until mid month and then forsakes you for Cetus, and then Pisces. If you start a new romance with this assistance, keep your beloved well clear of large sailors, small sailors, fish fingers, and whales (particularly carnivorous Sperm Whales).