^ Aries
It takes a lot to distract a typical Aries from their usual sport of butting their heads against metaphorical brick walls but seething with indignation at minor planets swanning through non-zodiacal constellations - eg, Hebe through Bootes or Eros through Centaurus may do the trick and actually get them to look around for a bit. They may even notice you.
_ Taurus
Comet 141P/Macholz drops by this month which is equivalent to waving a cloak at a mad bull, so expect Taureans to charge off in any direction for no apparent reason during April. If you want to motivate one, any distraction will get them moving in the direction of your choice.
` Gemini
Saturn is in Gemini and a lot further north than usual, which is, of course, great for observers in the north. Still, the poor devils need something other than Polaris to observe. If you are flirting with twins, the subject of engagement rings may come up.
a Cancer
The waxing moon scoots through Cancer on the 17th so Cancerians should ensure that they have thoroughly waxed before mooning anyone and they will SHINE.
b Leo
Male Leo’s in the wild are noted for laying about while the females do all the work. So normally do most other Leo's, but with Mercury in the descending node and the Moon at perigee, expect Leos to be dynamic, like standing up and scratching their butts now and again. Don't push your luck and expect more as this is heady stuff for Leos.
c Virgo
Jupiter, King of the Gods, is chasing Pallas around Virgo, which is the sort of thing the old lecher did most days in classical times. Opposition on April 4 gives you the chance to examine his zits and hickeys and to be motivated to avoid getting any yourself - Hickeys, that is. Or occulted like he is in April
d Libra
Well balanced Librans don't mind that SFA happens in their sign this month as they value their equilibrium. In fact it takes a major asteroid impact to stir them and that last happened in the late Cretaceous, which was bad luck for Libran T-Rexes.
e Scorpio
You proud owners of a great constellation have a happening month with Antares being occulted by the Moon on the 27th. This means your brightest trait might be degraded this month, like having a bad hair day when going on a date or losing your rhythm in the middle of a Tango.
z Ophiuchus
Unlike the average astrologer who thinks the world is flat and Polaris is a street light we understand the Cosmos and look after you oppressed Opiuchuns. As well as having the Sun and Moon zip through, you have Minor Planet 7 Iris swanning through your sign in April and Iris is the Goddess of eyeballs and cameras so keep an eye out for photographers and display your best profile at all times and you may make centrefold in Playboy, or Cleo, or the National Inquirer. Read on.
f Sagittarius
At the business end of the Scorpion you Sagittarians have to keep moving to avoid getting done over. However, you have Isis, the Egyptian Goddess of nooky in your corner this month. You will marry a rich widow or two unless you are female and living in the US.
g Capricorn
With Mars, the God of War, in your sign, play safe this month and don't sign up for that new Survivor TV series of a pub crawl in Baghdad where the last one alive wins, use particularly blunt needles for knitting and take valium before watching Jerry Springer.
h Aquarius
As usual the coolest are the lastest. Your total lack of any stars worth a damn is made up for by the passage of comet C/2003 T4 (Linear) at about 6th mag, about as bright as most stars in your sign, so behave as though the Age of Aquarius is already here and spread the sunshine of your countenance around to brighten up those poor souls born under lesser signs.
i Pisces
The annular eclipse of 9 April reflects feebly off Pisces but as most born under that sign are cool fishy types it does not take much sun to dry them out so expect them to exhibit warmer behaviour than usual and behave, well almost, human for a change