While measuring the background microwave radiation in the interstellar region between members of the Virgo galaxy cluster, a highly directional recurring signal was detected and submitted for analysis by the university operation SETI facility which has supercomputer hardware and sophisticated software directed particularly at unravelling binary codes.
Initial decoding, subject to a 10% error factor relating to decoding and precise meanings assigned to certain terms infer that the 12 minute long message may well be a declaration of war on all neighbouring galaxies.
Attempts to pinpoint the actual source of the transmissions were assisted by their being from a spot on the ecliptic, and by timing the interruption of transmission by the passage of the Moon, the likely source was a small, 18th magnitude dwarf galaxy, apparently with delusions of grandeur or compensating for an inferiority complex.
Decoding suggests that those sending the message were declaring war on all neighbouring galaxies, but exactly what constitutes a neighbouring galaxy to a member of the Virgo cluster is unclear. Our galaxy is technically not a member though it could be argued that we are a fellow traveller on the fringe of the associated Centaurus galaxy cluster.
Data and preliminary findings have been transmitted to other research facilities in other countries and apparently intercepted by the NSA security and surveillance program and referred by them to Senator Richard Head, Chairman of the Bananas Republican faction within the GOP.
Senator Head was reportedly incensed by the effrontery of such a declaration being directed at our galaxy and has pressed for a response, saying that "if they declare war on us then damn it we should declare war right back on them".
He said that since the abdication of the Senate from the business of government, sorting out potential intergalactic problems was a useful new retirement role for Senators to play at. When told it would take approximately 43 million years for a radioed reciprocal declaration of war to reach the appropriate area within the Virgo cluster the senator said that this only demonstrated that there was not a moment to lose.
His Democrat opponents consider that this initiative by Senator Head is just an attempt to make trouble for an incoming Democrat administration as the war on terror could well be over by the time the aliens receive any message from Earth. The Australian ambassador in Washington said that Mr Howard was alarmed but not alert.
University of Burgerweldt researchers have asked for cross checking by other institutions in case the message is a hoax, has been wrongly decoded, is directed at someone else, or has passed its use by date.
As time is on our side, this publication will not over react but will await and report on further developments in its next issue.