Government spokesman Senator R.E. Taard said that going back to basics would make science simpler, easier to comprehend and cheaper to teach.
He said that the pure and logical science of Aristotle and Ptolemy had been burdened by a hodge podge of unplanned add-ons by such persons as Galileo, Halley, Newton, Gauss, Fraunhofer, Franklin, etc, and particularly by the incomprehensibles e.g. Einstein, Fermi, Rutherford, and most recently by Hawking whose books he had read three times without understanding a word of them, not to mention those upstarts at NASA.
"Protected by Law" - Senator Taard said that the new, simpler laws of science would be protected by Federal law enacted by reliance on the corporations power contained in the Constitution.
"Corporations", he said, "manufacture things like toasters, cars and aircraft, and as they must use at least some scientific principles now and again, this clearly enables the Federal Government to do what it liked to scientific laws."
"The Astronomy of Ptolemy would be reinstated. The system of epicycles elegantly demonstrated what the Sun, Moon and planets appeared to do so what they actually did was not of much importance - let NASA worry about that."
"Besides, epicycles were easier for students to draw with high school geometry sets than those messy and complicated ellipses."
Also, the fact that the world was actually round ran contrary to popular concepts - road maps and atlases were flat, so that Flat-Earth concept would be restored and much easier for students and country members to understand.
As for chemistry, everything had been mixed with everything else and we knew what blew up, or made stink bombs or whatever so why all this stuff actually happened was not really important to know and damned expensive to research, so best left alone.
Medicine can be left to the doctors and drug companies, who have probably been improvising anyhow and giving everyone nothing but aspirin or snake-oil in different colours under a variety of labels at big mark ups.
There had been some discussion in Government about whether Intelligent Design should be taught as an alternate and this has much going for it. For one thing, you don't have to try to explain how and why. The science committee of the Snakey Gulley branch of the National Party had been asked to investigate this option and their preliminary report was positive.
They considered that there was strong evidence that the world and all in it including God himself was designed and created by the Grey Aliens as an intellectual exercise, with the exception of course of the US state of Kansas which had been sub-contracted to the Wizard of Oz.
The committee is still trying to figure out why the aliens designed nasal hair and nipples in men, the apparently redundant appendix in everybody, and Malaria, Smallpox etc, but branch President Trevor Cowpat, Dip. Ed. who says he has been abducted and probed on several occasions, will ask them next time he is taken. He thinks that there must be an intelligent reason... Somewhere.
Meanwhile, there will be great savings in getting rid of thousands of science teachers and University science faculties.
The new (old) laws of science will be protected by law, and regulation making power will be delegated to the Science Committee of the Snakey Gulley branch to update, change, or rescind these laws any time they feel like it. They will, under the guidance of Trevor Cowpat, be carefully reviewing every episode of the X-Files and similar documentary programs.
And they maintain open minds, being quite prepared to accept the possibility that the Moon is not actually green cheese as per popular belief.